Have you ever loved someone else more than you love yourself? I’ve never learned to love myself more than others until I began this new Path. I have known that I should, but for me it takes a lot of experience, usually difficult experience, to bring this home. It has certainly gotten my attention and this is a daily practice as it should be. At least, I have the awareness that this is a problem in my life. This issue tends to create a lot of fatigue and heartbreak for me. Loving yourself isn’t selfish. Remember, to love your neighbor as yourself, you must first love yourself. This isn’t selfishness. It is a requirement.
There are two things that are important for self-love that I have discovered. Those two things are boundaries and discipline. These are qualities that I never associated with love in the past. Boundaries allow you to take care of your heart. Boundaries allow you to guard yourself from toxicity and those inflicting pain. They do not keep you from Freedom, but actually give Freedom. Discipline in this is the consistent use of boundaries so that I can stay in a good place and not roller coaster. In the past, discipline sounded very scary to me. It sounded like punishment. That is how it is used frequently. In a Medium session, I was asked by my Guide to implement these. In fact, it was my first orange tabby cat that disappeared many years ago that came to me in a soul reading my Medium facilitated which gave me information about boundaries. This wonderful cat named Early said that I was so loved by him. He said what attracted him and others to me is my vulnerability and openness. These are qualities of a heartbroken warrior. However, my sweet cat said that I need to have boundaries in my life for self-love. I thought I had boundaries, however I was just starting to learn about them it seems. I’m learning how to use these two tools for self-love now.
I was in a relationship where I gave more to that other person than I gave to myself. I did this throughout my love relationships. Granted, I am a giver. Nothing wrong with giving, however there must be balance. You must give to yourself. The verse in the Bible … It is more blessed to give than to receive should regard the need to give to yourself. Loving yourself is required so you may love others. I grew up being beaten down by those that supposedly loved me. I was told I was selfish if I didn’t give more to others and think of their needs before mine. This isn’t a healthy view. So that is what I related to love. Love isn’t being taken from, nor overly giving to. All because you give, doesn’t mean that you’re loving. A question for me is … why do I do that? Why don’t I recognize how I don’t have to strive to be loved. I don’t think I did this in this relationship as the person I am still in love with never asked for more than I could give. She never wanted me to over give and not give to myself. She was so loving and kind and caring. However, I wasn’t recognizing how I was hurting myself by not acknowledging some fundamental feelings that I was having. Maybe I wasn’t healthy enough for a relationship. One thing I now know is I don’t have to hold on to this behavior. I can offer it as a gift to God as I said in a previous blog. I can give my heart and the desires of my heart and my destiny to the only thing that I can truly trust even beyond myself which is God. It’s interesting how I can have an amazing few days on top of the world and suddenly everything is yanked out from under my feet. That instability is what being out of balance brings. Makes sense right? If I am out of balance, I will fall down. I have to question why I am attached to such situations. Surely this is something that I am used to. Do I love the drama of a roller coaster?
As I wrote before, my history is not my identity and I know who I am and how I should live. I am consciously letting go now with these experiences although hard, I am thankful for. I am now consciously offering my heart and the heart’s desire for Love. I am now deciding, as I wrote in a previous post, not to use all of my power and might to force anything especially with Love which is what I tend to try and control. I know that control is based out of fear. What am I afraid of? Am I afraid of never having love? Am I afraid of not having what I desire and the desires of my heart? My self-love needs to be the foundation of the love in my life. I know that I’m given everything perfectly. I know that I am worthy of wonderful things beyond what I can imagine. This is all from the study and work that I have done and currently am still doing. It’s obviously a daily practice and I can implement my boundaries and discipline toward my happiness, respect, and self-care.
Have you ever had this situation? I love hearing how others have worked on this. I love support from others, but I know I’m here to support myself and to come up with my own ideas to live by. This is so easy to talk about, but it must be a daily practice for me to get really good and for it to become really easy for me. As I am admitting some despair with my imbalance, I know this recurring situation is a perfect gift for my mastery of loving myself first.
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